strong and able

Ever have one of those moments where you feel really accomplished and you want to run down the streets and shout to everyone about it? I am increasingly having those moments more and more lately. I think that I am just now realizing what I have accomplished. I just recently started talking about my weight loss almost because I was ashamed of it. Who wants to be thought of as the fat girl that lost weight. For that matter who wants to be thought of as the fat girl. When I first lost the weight I felt like I had come to the other side of a tunnel but I didn't really realize I was in it. It was a couple of years later that I found some pics of myself at probably my heaviest. They were really scary. I couldn't believe that was me, I didn't feel that big at the time.

I used to be the person that wanted to hide behind everything and not be noticed. I was also somewhat hard on myself. Another of my recent realizations is that I have accomplished A LOT. Many of these realizations come to me during my practice. When I was 17 and took my first yoga class I could do all sorts of crazy things, back bends so deep that it's surprising the human form can bend to that degree. I couldn't do Bakasana (crow), my wrists would wither under my body weight and I would tumble forward and land unceremoniously on my face. After some practice I have been able do this pose. It's not all ways pretty and both feet don't always come off the ground but I can do it.

The irony of this current revelation is that I recently went to hear Jillian Michaels speak. Almost immediately she chastised someone for negative self talk. While I don't generally talk about any one part of my body with disdain I do have some likes and dislikes. Realistically, who doesn't? I have learned to look past these idiosyncrasy and I have learned to love who I have become. I am aware that I carry 40 extra pounds. I also happen to be one of those lucky people that carries weight around the middle of my body. Many people would be very uncomfortable about this and yes for a time I was. Over time I have learned to accept that this is just my body and with some encouragement it will change and I will get to my goal weight. Negative talk will not take you very far and the pity party usually has a guest list of one because no one wants to hear you complain.