flowing water

I love the rain. The calming sound of rain hitting the roof. The sound of water flowing in a little stream down the driveway. The smell of a spring rain when everything seams so alive and fresh.

I recently realized that with the exception of one place I have always lived somewhere near a major river. The exception was Lubbock, TX, which is practically in the desert (which might be one reason why I didn't like living there). This is relevant because I am an Aquarius, the water bearer. (Aquarius is actually an air sign.) Water's ability to flow around or over or even under any obstacle is something that I am trying to achieve. How many times have I been in class and the teacher says "the next pose is (fill in the blank). My first thought might be "Oh I hate this pose" or "This pose never works out well for me" or "Not again!" Of course I wold never reveal this during class or probably even after for that matter, but wouldn't it be nice to just say "OK, lets take things as they come and learn from it." This has been my approach lately and it's worked out fairly well, I think.

The ability to go with the flow and not put up damns or have to build a bridge to go over the flow of life is what yoga tries to teach us. When I really became interested in yoga I would read about "taking yoga off the mat". I had some trouble figuring out what that meant, recently I have been able to take the lessons "go with the flow" off my mat. One other kernel of insight that I have been able to use to my advantage is that the pain and extreme effort is only temporary but to realize your true potential you will need to go threw the uncomfortable to get to the bliss. Knowing that things that seam bad are going to improve and that you might come to the other side of the pain with a new understanding and appreciation for your new strength and ability may make the lessons learned more worth while.

Food, Food, Food

Ok, I admit it I think about food a lot. Probably more than someone who isn't a professional chef should. How much food? What kind of food? Where did this food come from? How was it cooked? How did it get from farm to me? All good questions and all ones that people have been raising lately with increasing rapidity. The fact that we need someone to point out that you should buy your food from a local farmer and learn what is available and when it is actually in season seams utterly ridiculous but that is the effect of a global food system. Because we have this bounty, this unending supply of food there should be no global hunger but there is. There should be on malnutrition but there is. As Americans we should be able to feed our children nutritious foods but what we have is a warped food universe. Just the other day a friend of mine asked "Do you like that or do you force yourself to eat it?" She asked this as I bit into a fresh peach. "What do you mean?" This was the only reply that I could come up with. "Eating that peach that way, like it just came out of the ground?" was her response. After I stopped choking on peach juice I told her that peaches grow on trees. Turns out that the only way she eats fruit, or veggies for that matter, is from a can. Personally I stopped buying canned fruits and veggies a few years ago. I don't like the way they taste. The veggies have no flavor and are mushy and the fruit tastes like syrup.

As anyone who has lost a lot of weight will tell you to keep the weight off you have to moderate your food, or diet. Diet is not one of the four letter words that should be associated with abstinence. Diet really means the nourishment that you intake. Moderation is the key to so many things, food included. The conversation with my friend show how people have become so unaware of what food really is and where it comes from. Food does not come in a styrofoam container and defiantly does not come from a drive threw. Just after I lost the majority of my weight I was presented with out of town guests, my in-laws (who I love by the way). After the initial shock of seeing the new trimmed down me then the questions of eating and "will you be able to eat anything here?" comes up. Since I'm not one of those pre-packaged weight loss plan kind of girls food choices have always been open to me. The key was to choose foods that were healthy, and yes lower in fat, and lower in calories . What most people think is fat is the enemy when it comes to loosing weight. This is not entirely true. Balance is the key. After a while my tastes began to change I prefer lower fat items. I crave fresh fruits and veggies. Almost 100% of the time when asked what do you want to eat my answer will be veggies.

I have been thinking about reducing the amount of meat further in my diet not because meat contains a lot of saturated fat and cholesterol, which it does, but because I want to know that what I eat comes from a clean processing plant and isn't going to make me sick. I believe that animals can be treated well, given an environment to live in that is humane and killed in a humane manner. Commercial meat processors need to be reminded that they are the guardians of living, thinking creatures and should be treated accordingly. After reading books like In Defense of Food and Fast Food Nation I think vegetarianism is not 100% about health. Sure there are huge health benefits from a vegetarian diet many of which are the added fiber and micro and macro nutrients but there are advantages to eating animals and animal products as well. Meat doesn't have to be the meal, vegetables are not just there to dress the plate up. Exposure as a child can make all the difference as an adult to the food choices you make. There should be no forcing a single solitary pea down a child's throat on Thanksgiving while that child screams that they hate peas and have never had them before in their lives and will not start today. While you know this is not true because you had the same fight with the same child last Thanksgiving, it does show that variety is the spice of life. Eating fresh foods and preparing them from their whole state is the best way to introduce children to foods. By enlisting children to help in the kitchen, you will create adults that are comfortable cooking and eating food.

Between Effort and Ease

Somewhere between extreme effort and ease, this is where I would like to live my life. I won't say that it was easy to loose 70 lbs but I don't remember it being as hard as things have been lately. I haven't yet reached my goal weight, far from it in fact. Lately it seem that it is taking more and more effort not to rocket back up. I have been in a 5lb swing for the past 3 years. Lately I have been at the upper end of this and beyond. It is getting very frustrating to see the number on the scale go up or stay the same. I haven't really changed my diet much in the past three years, the only notable exception has been more fresh local produce and more vegetarian leaning meals. Cutting back on coffee has been the other major change. I love coffee. A couple of months ago I was sick and instead of making coffee in the morning I had tea. When I started feeling better I started drinking coffee again and noticed that getting to sleep was more difficult at night.

Watching shows like The Biggest Looser inspires me, the problem is that I don't always have someone to push me to do the workouts in a way that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I have thought about joining a gym but I'm not really a gym person. I'm sure that I would benefit from a gym and a trainer but I can't really afford that right now in my life. I do notice that when given a challenge I am willing to rise to the challenge. Just the other week in Stephanie's yoga class she had us doing push-ups, she started by saying that we only had to do 6 but if we could do 10 then go ahead. So I did 10. I also notice that when I go for a walk with Chad that he always walks behind me, if he walked next to me or in front of me I would probably walk faster.

Perhaps I am craving a challenge? The Manju Jois wor

kshop was a challenge and I felt that I stepped up to that challenge. I also felt so sore and stiff for about a week after words but it was well worth it.

Contemplating this post has been a challenge I have let it sit for about two weeks thinking that I just needed a picture to add and then it would be done but I think there is more to it. I just haven't figured it out yet. I still get up in the morning and stumble out of bed hoping that today will be the day that I find an answer to one of the many questions that I have.

Breath

Breath connects us all. Everyone of us, humans and animals are connected, these connections run deep. The very core of our being is life. Everything around us is alive with breath. Trees, plants, oceans, animals, birds, turtles, all alive all breathing beings.

Yogi's talk about moving the breath, using the breath to expand and soften. Buddhists use the breath as a point of focus. In my personal practice, breath has become more of a focus. I find that in different poses or situations I use it differently. In long holds trying to slow down the breath can take some of the focus away from the physical body. In slow release poses, especially hip openers, breath becomes about releasing and relaxing, being able to identify gripping and holding and let it go.

In daily life breath comes to the front of my mind as well. Heavy sighs or shallow breaths are what I notice more. Just being aware of the breath in my body is an amazing accomplishment. So many people take their body for granted, completely unaware that their body is so much smarter than their minds. Breath being one of the first indications of a situation. Taking just a few moments to notice your breath in every situation. By watching it and knowing how it flows in all situations will allow your breath to even out as well as your emotions .

To begin with...

I have been thinking about starting a blog lately. I have been thinking about my journey so far and how other people might be able to relate to my story or would be interested in knowing my story. I sometimes don't feel all that extraordinary. I grew up in a normal neighborhood. Many of the people in my neighborhood were older and retired. There weren't many other kids in my neighborhood so as an only child I spent a lot of time by myself making up games and passing the time.

We might want to fast forward a bit to the more interesting part. During high school I took my first yoga class. I loved it. I was never very athletic, I couldn't run, and didn't like it. I wasn't very coordinated and I'm still not. The speed at which I gained flexibility was amazing. I had always been envious of the gymnast's in my class but here was something I could do. Unfortunately there was no way to continue taking yoga so as I went off to college I left it behind. It wasn't until almost 9 years later that I was able to find a yoga studio and begin taking regular classes again that I began to feel really alive again. What had happened in the mean time was that I had graduated from college and was trying to make enough money to pay off the bills that I had created during that time. I had also gained about roughly 80lbs. I'm not sure about the exact amount of weight because I didn't weigh my self during this period of time.

Once I had begun to loose some weight I also gained self confidence. I then began to look at myself differently in doing so I began to see that all the time I had spent longing after unfulfilled dreams was holding me back and making me miserable.

I would like to explore in this blog weight loss, yoga and knitting. I'm sure along the way I will stumble on other topics of interest and explore them as well.