Rise Up and Shine Again

The recent and rather abrupt change in the weather from mild warmth to a somewhat more bitter chill made me start to think of the way in which we draw with in during the winter months. The earth settles down from the height of summers warmth and draws in to rest and renew during the fall and winter. Some people draw in during this time of year and use up there reserves of energy re-emerging somewhat dull and listless. Others draw in using the time to revitalize themselves, filling up with new energy and renewed creative spirit. 
As the chill in the air begins to get more pronounced allow the breath to become full and free, warming you from the inside out. Take some time each day to do something for yourself,  if it is sitting quietly with a cup of tea or talking a walk in your neighborhood. You will feel more revitalized.

Falling in Love with Fall

I love fall! Who doesn't really? The landscape changes color, the air gets crisp, and you are almost willed to be outside to soak up the last bits of summer. When the sun begins to set around 6 pm I am usually astounded to find myself still awake since the rest of the natural world has gone to bed. This year I have noticed the shift to fall was a bit more dramatic than I remember it being in the past. It almost seamed like I went to bed one night during the summer and the next morning it was fall. There the thought also occurs to me that we seem to be working in opposition with nature since we create our "busiest" season just as nature is telling us to take a break and relax a bit.Since we are a over connected, ultra caffeinated society we must keep up the busy pace that we set for ourselves during the summer right threw to January. 
I am of course not immune to the hectic scheduling of the holidays but this year has been one of hectic scheduling. I almost don't know what to do with myself if I'm not bouncing from one thing to another at this point so I am looking forward to trying to slow down and maybe take some time for myself. I have a feeling that my practice will grow in leaps and bounds threw this fall and winter. One of the side effects of being inside so much more is that I am one of those people that "needs something to do". I often find myself jumping up and wondering around the house usually aimlessly. If I have something to do that can calm that inner restlessness then perhaps I won't find myself wondering aimlessly.

strong and able

Ever have one of those moments where you feel really accomplished and you want to run down the streets and shout to everyone about it? I am increasingly having those moments more and more lately. I think that I am just now realizing what I have accomplished. I just recently started talking about my weight loss almost because I was ashamed of it. Who wants to be thought of as the fat girl that lost weight. For that matter who wants to be thought of as the fat girl. When I first lost the weight I felt like I had come to the other side of a tunnel but I didn't really realize I was in it. It was a couple of years later that I found some pics of myself at probably my heaviest. They were really scary. I couldn't believe that was me, I didn't feel that big at the time.

I used to be the person that wanted to hide behind everything and not be noticed. I was also somewhat hard on myself. Another of my recent realizations is that I have accomplished A LOT. Many of these realizations come to me during my practice. When I was 17 and took my first yoga class I could do all sorts of crazy things, back bends so deep that it's surprising the human form can bend to that degree. I couldn't do Bakasana (crow), my wrists would wither under my body weight and I would tumble forward and land unceremoniously on my face. After some practice I have been able do this pose. It's not all ways pretty and both feet don't always come off the ground but I can do it.

The irony of this current revelation is that I recently went to hear Jillian Michaels speak. Almost immediately she chastised someone for negative self talk. While I don't generally talk about any one part of my body with disdain I do have some likes and dislikes. Realistically, who doesn't? I have learned to look past these idiosyncrasy and I have learned to love who I have become. I am aware that I carry 40 extra pounds. I also happen to be one of those lucky people that carries weight around the middle of my body. Many people would be very uncomfortable about this and yes for a time I was. Over time I have learned to accept that this is just my body and with some encouragement it will change and I will get to my goal weight. Negative talk will not take you very far and the pity party usually has a guest list of one because no one wants to hear you complain.

Between Effort and Ease

Somewhere between extreme effort and ease, this is where I would like to live my life. I won't say that it was easy to loose 70 lbs but I don't remember it being as hard as things have been lately. I haven't yet reached my goal weight, far from it in fact. Lately it seem that it is taking more and more effort not to rocket back up. I have been in a 5lb swing for the past 3 years. Lately I have been at the upper end of this and beyond. It is getting very frustrating to see the number on the scale go up or stay the same. I haven't really changed my diet much in the past three years, the only notable exception has been more fresh local produce and more vegetarian leaning meals. Cutting back on coffee has been the other major change. I love coffee. A couple of months ago I was sick and instead of making coffee in the morning I had tea. When I started feeling better I started drinking coffee again and noticed that getting to sleep was more difficult at night.

Watching shows like The Biggest Looser inspires me, the problem is that I don't always have someone to push me to do the workouts in a way that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I have thought about joining a gym but I'm not really a gym person. I'm sure that I would benefit from a gym and a trainer but I can't really afford that right now in my life. I do notice that when given a challenge I am willing to rise to the challenge. Just the other week in Stephanie's yoga class she had us doing push-ups, she started by saying that we only had to do 6 but if we could do 10 then go ahead. So I did 10. I also notice that when I go for a walk with Chad that he always walks behind me, if he walked next to me or in front of me I would probably walk faster.

Perhaps I am craving a challenge? The Manju Jois wor

kshop was a challenge and I felt that I stepped up to that challenge. I also felt so sore and stiff for about a week after words but it was well worth it.

Contemplating this post has been a challenge I have let it sit for about two weeks thinking that I just needed a picture to add and then it would be done but I think there is more to it. I just haven't figured it out yet. I still get up in the morning and stumble out of bed hoping that today will be the day that I find an answer to one of the many questions that I have.